Archive for April, 2008

1990 The Bronx Warriors

Rating: 2

1990 The Bronx Warriors is a , movie directed by Enzo G. Castellari.

In 1990 the Bronx is officially declared “No Man’s Land”. The authorities give up all attempts to restore law and order. From then on, the area is ruled by “The Riders”.

Ann wanders (Stefania Girolami Goodwin) into the wrong part of town and gets ambushed by the roller skate gang. Luckily for her, Trash (Mark Gregory) and his gang of are around to save her ass. Enthralled by Trash’s glistening body and dark flowing locks, Ann decides that she wants to roll with “The Riders”. Being the heir to the Manhattan Corp, she can’t hide forever from her destiny, and is pursued by Hammer (Vic Morrow) a cop hired by the Manhattan Corp to bring her back. To save her dreamy beefcake Trash she tries to leave the gang, but Trash would rather die protecting her then to be with out her. All sorts of carnage ensues as Trash tries to protect his love and the Corp tries to get her back.

This movie definitely has a few similarities to a few other movies I’ve seen before. They even copied part of the movie title “The Warriors”. With names charter names like “Hot Dog” (Christopher Connelly) and “The Ogre” (Fred Williamson) you know you are going to be in for a masterpiece of originality. Try as it might this movie is not as good as the movies it attempts to clone. I have mixed feelings about this one, as it had the potential to be a decent movie but it does not quite cross that threshold. Some of the fight scenes are good and some parts of the movie are quite humorous, but not enough to keep me completely interested in this movie. I would have to say the best part of the movie was the end, it was very silly.

You might find this movie to be good, but you might also think that this is the worst you’ve ever seen. If you ‘re feeling brave and want to watch something new give this movie a try. The ending will defiantly have you laughing because it is so ridiculous.

Check below the break for some video clips from 1990 THE BRONX WARRIORS

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The Last Stand and The Last Stand 2

We take a break from our regularly scheduled programming of reviews to bring you some news about an awesome webgame. The Last Stand and The Last Stand 2 are two from Armor Games where you take the role of a zombie apocalypse survivor trying to survive 40 days in the wild.

The Last Stand keeps you behind a makeshift barricade fighting off a thrall of ever marching during the night, and during the day, you’re scavenging for survivors or weapons to help you keep the plague back.

The newly released The Last Stand 2 has you doing all of those things, but also has you moving from barricade to barricade in the span of 40 days to make your way to Union City for an escape. While graphically similar, each game is fun, tense, and packed with . They’re a must play for any game fan and especially any zombie fan!

Click the images below to choose your choice of either The Last Stand 1, or The Last Stand 2

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Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane (aka Plane Dead)

Rating: 3.5

Flight of the Living Dead

On a flight to Paris, an experimental government cargo container filled with a body of a scientist infected with an unknown strain of malaria manifests itself into a zombie. Because of some careless security mixed with a massive storm/turbulence, the zombie gets out and claims a armed guard as it’s first victim. The zombie plague soon spreads throughout the plane, while the passengers are blissfully unaware.

The passengers consist of the stupid surfer douches (who surfs in Paris?), a criminal on extradition to France for being a pederast, a famous golfer, a U.S. Marshal, and some government scientists responsible for transporting the zombie overseas. They take a page out of Lethal Weapon, because it’s the senior pilot’s last flight (and I think he’s getting too old for this shit!) The start popping through bathroom mirrors, up from the floors and in the electrical systems overhead. Soon enough, the whole plane is taken over, and it’s a fight just to survive.

And Erick AvariFlight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane (2007) is directed by Scott Thomas who is also responsible for gems such as “The Latin Dragon”, and scattered episodes of “One West Waikiki”. The film stars David Chisum (mostly known from his role as Miles Laurence on “One Life to Live”) and Kristen Kerr (Black Dalia Movie: The Elizabeth Short Story) amongst others. Character actors Raymond J. Barry and Erick Avari round out the cast.

Sean: Alright, well this whole concept sounds eerily familiar to “Snakes on a Plane” and that’s because it’s almost a complete rip off. It’s a similar idea, the plane layout is almost identical, and the characters match pretty closely to SNOAP. The effects in this one are better, however, both stories are pretty weak. But really… who’s watching either of these for a story? I know I’m watching to see some tear into some bitches. There’s even a whole scene where they pile up baggage as a blockade to keep the out. We all know how well that worked out in Snakes on a Plane…

Where\'d this guy come from?Raz: on a plane = you are fucked. Where the fuck are you going to go if your flight gets infested with . I would almost rather gamble with trying to survive a free fall with out a parachute then tangle with a gaggle of . At least it would be a big rush before I died instead of a bunch of painful bites with a slow death, followed by shambling around till I get my head blown off.

Sean: I don’t know about you, but if some crazy zombie bitches popped through a bathroom mirror and pulled in some dudes to start feasting on them, I’d be pretty prompt in closing the door and doing my best to hide my scrumptious ass. Also, at the start of the movie, the plane looks pretty deserted, and by the time of the full fledged zombie assault, there are hundreds on the plane. They must be like gremlins and multiply if you add water, or in this case, when you add blood.

Raz: I didn’t realize that they installed one way mirrors on airplanes. It would seem like a good way to make some extra cash by selling videos of people joining the mile high club to internet porn sites. Although the mirror of doom was quite scary I found the pit of more frightening. Basically the ripped threw the floor in the plane dragging their victims in to their doom. The worst victim of the pit of had to of been the nun. This poor lady was attempting to save another person and gets yanked in. Fortunately before she get pulled fully into the abyss she gets saved, but loses her legs in the process.

Uhm... I guess I\'m not getting those pretzels I asked for, huh?Sean: Let’s face it, this movie probably isn’t going to achieve any classic status. The story is basically non-existent, and it’s more than likely just a cash in on the whole zombie craze as of late. But it’s got a few other things going for it. It’s entertaining, really fast moving in the second half, and there are a few good genuine scares. The whole thing is pretty fun overall, regardless of all the “yeah right” stuff that goes on throughout. I know the next time I see low priced transatlantic airfare, I’m gonna be a little wary…

Raz: Who needs a story when you have crazy fast paced zombie . If you watched Snakes on a Plane I am sure that you will like this movie. They are basically the same movie. Replace the snakes with and voilla you have Flight of the Living Dead. Unfortunately, Samuel Jackson is not in this movie but Erick Avari is.

Check below the break for a scene and pics from Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane!

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Hands of Steel

Rating: 5

Well, I’m back. Yep, I’m back from my trip. Did you hear about my trip? I built a time machine that took me to the future. Boy, the future sure is rough. It was a where the environment was in some rough shape. People were living on the streets, and there were dryer vents randomly scattered everywhere making connections to nowhere, from doors to windows, from interior walls to ceilings. Shit, I even saw those dryer vents on top of cars for some reason that I never really did figure out. Fashion and cars were a lot like they were back in 1986, and the only way I could really tell it was the future was because I saw some people wearing these cool watches with calculators on their wrists, which were pretty impressive.

Paco QueruakWhile I was in the future, there was a guy who was trying to help society and trying to help clean up the pollution and help out society. Right after I got there though, some or something tried to assassinate him by punching him in the gut, rupturing his spleen. he wasn’t expected to make a recovery or anything but he made it out ok. That’s what happens when you don’t have any kind of security or anything; you get your gut busted by cyborgs. I guess they identified the assailant as a guy by the name of Paco Queruak, and before I had to come back from my trip , it was reported that this Paco guy was making his living in arm wrestling matches. I’m not making this shit up. Come to think of it, the future was a lot like a movie I watched called Hands of Steel (aka Vendetta dal futuro).

Hands of Steel is a great low buget film from 1986 directed by Sergio Martino. It follows in a long line of great b-movie cinema. Paco Queruak is played by the handsome Daniel Greene, who you may or may not recognize from his roles as Dwayne Cooley from the 80’s-tastic soap opera “Falcon Crest” or his most recent role as “Waiter” in Fever Pitch. George Eastman, who’s quickly becoming an Internal Bleeding favorite, plays Raoul Morales, a tough truck driving arm wrassler with a dirty mouth, who gets called out as a “loser” by Paco in a high tension scene. Also making an appearance is John Saxon as Francis Turner.

Wow, where to start with this one, eh? It’s possible to sum this movie up in one word, and that word is… GREAT! Everything about it is so ridiculous, from the jazzy saxophone music, to the cheesy special effects. The acting is just bad enough that it rides the line between convincing and absurd. Daniel Greene puts on an awesomely bad performance, and half the film he’s just staring into the void. I couldn’t tell if he was doing this to be brooding, or if it was because he was reading queue cards. I think it was a little of both.

Check out this sweet rocket on the end of my shotgunThe is so over the top that it’s also excellent. There are shotguns that can shoot long range, and never ending amounts of ammunition. There’s also a bazooka like lazer (it’s so cool that it can’t be spelled laser) that shows up near the end that is so sweet that I want one for myself. There are also these rocket propelled grenades that shoot off of the end of a shotgun that look like little dildos - genius. A favorite scene of mine are when a couple check into the little roadside motel that Paco is living in, and one of them turn out to be a “perfect ”. They get in this great fight where he rips it’s head off and it yells at him while he turns to leave.

The ending is so bad that it warrants it’s own paragraph here. The whole thing just ends out of the blue with the caption “IT WAS A DAY IN OUR NEAR FUTURE THE ERA OF THE HAD BEGUN”… what? That’s it?? Yep, that’s it, and it’s fucking glorious. This is the perfect bad movie, and this should be the template from which all bad movies should be made.

Check below the break for some more pics, and an awesome sequence from HANDS OF STEEL!

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Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors Giveaways at Pollystaffle

Our bros over at Pollystaffle.com are having some giveaways over at their site for Fangoria’s upcoming Weekend of Horrors. Amongst the available prizes are tickets to a showing of “Night of the Living Dead” with select members of the cast, tickets to a screening of Wicked Lake and also the premiere showing of Amateur Porn Star Killer 2. There will be movie poster giveaways at the APSK2 screenings and director Shane Ryan will be in attendance.

So, if you’re in the LA area, check out Pollystaffle.com for more information. And, if you do end up going, tell Bill Hinzman that we thought Zombie Nosh (aka Flesheater) was awesome!

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Internal Bleeding - We specialize in and review B-movies, Horror, Exploitation, Grindhouse, Bizarre, Zombie and 80's teen schlock. Individual and Dueling reviews, every week.

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