Zombie Nosh

Every year around Halloween, I see advertisements for Haunted Hayrides at farms and cider mills and stuff in the area. I can’t honestly say that I’ve ever been on one, and if this movie is any indication of what I should expect… I might not be going on any hayrides in the foreseeable future.

Zombie Nosh (aka FleshEater) filmed in 1988 is S. William Hinzman‘s magnum opus, and he also stars as the main character “FleshEater”, the zombie that starts the whole rampage contained in this film. If you’re a zombie film fan, you may recognize Hinzman as the first zombie in the cemetary in George A. Romero’s “Night of the Living Dead” – the one that really creeps the shit out of Barbara. The rest of the actors and crew from this movie are alumni of the Romero camp, and by going through the list, some of them have worked as crew on Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, and the aforementioned Night of the Living Dead.

The story goes like this: A group of college kids take a overnight hayride on Halloween at a local farm. While they’re doing what normal teenagers are expected to do in 1988, like drink, smoke and bump uglies, one of the farmers goes about his farmer work and pulls up stumps on his property. While pulling those stumps, he uncovers the ancient grave of the FleshEater and the chaos begins…

This week our review isn’t just the Sean and Raz show, but Jenny drops by to give some expert analysis.

The inscription on the rock... way to go farmer.Sean: Isn’t that just the luck? You try to do work on your decrepit farm, and you find a zombie tomb. I mean there were no indications that this was a bad move… It’s not like there was a big rock with a pentagram under the stump, or a rock with an inscription of something like “This evil which will take flesh and blood from thee and turn all ye unto evil” on it… or a lock on a chain across a pine coffin… Oh wait, IT HAD ALL OF THOSE THINGS. Let the slaughter commence!

Raz: The first victims of the flesh eater, well after the farmer, is the really horny chick and her boyfriend. They wandered off to be alone; all she wants is a ride on the flesh stick and he wants to take it slow. She changes his mind when she pulls out her massive tits. Unfortunately for them, the flesh eater shows up and skewers the dude with a pitch fork and makes fine work of the bare breasted teen. Since zombies don’t know any better she ends up wandering around with her boobs hanging out.

Jenny: I had to wonder, aren’t these college kids a bit old to got out into the woods via tractor ride? And of course, they look so eighties. I loved the acid-washed denim and poofy clouds of curls set as bangs on the girls. One thing that was upsetting about the cast is that most of the girls were attractive as far as the eighties go, but all the guys looked like they wandered off the farm, not a college campus.

Sean: Zombie Nosh has this loose storyline following one of the couples from the original group of college kids. The chick has big 80’s hair, and the guy looks like he’s missing a half chromosome or two. The only problem is that they’re really on screen so little besides running from one house to the next to chain victims together in some massive high score combo for the zombies. I almost got the feeling that if they would have just stayed in the basement of the first house, where the zombies had no chance of getting them, they probably would have had an easier time of the whole thing. The couple is just an afterthought to the story though, and it makes it hard to really root for anyone besides the undead.

Raz: What is better then having a zombie with her boobs hanging out? That’s right, a fully nude zombie. We are graced with a fully naked woman that takes five minutes to get ready to take a shower. I thought that I was the only one that liked to lounge around for five minutes in the buff. Needless to say she pops out of the shower and ends up getting zombified. Presto! We now have a fully nude zombie.

Jenny: I also enjoyed the move from the woods into the “town”. A family is trying to celebrate Halloween and while they are putting the final touches on their costumes, the doorbell rings. Of course, the bright-eyed daughter dressed as an angel volunteers to get the door to give out candy and see the costumes. Guess who’s at the door? The actress playing the young girl is Heidi Hinzman, daughter of S. William Hinzman. Also, the wandering couple happen upon a lame costume party where it is hard to decide who wins for most boring costume. I give it to the guy dressed as a yellow chicken. Additionally, the next morning, there is a posse that is only too happy to go and hunt the undead.

Sean: Alright, so every scene just fades to black and the music cuts out. I think it’s safe to say the editing sucked the high hard one. One example of this is where one scene is in broad daylight, and chronologically a minute later someone’s calling 911 and it’s 11pm at night and suddenly it’s dark outside.. uh what? FleshEater also drags out in the middle. The first few scenes really move quick, but after the scene where they’re barricading themselves in the house, the rest of the movie moves in half speed. While some of the “kill” gore was pretty laughable, the actual makeup on the zombies was pretty damned good – on par with some of Tom Savini’s work (keyword being some). Following another Horror/80’s movie staple, lots of T and lots of A. Can’t go wrong with those. They even throw some full frontal in there, which never hurts my rating. Overall, not the best zombie flick I’ve seen, but considering the budget wasn’t probably a whole lot better than “The Video Dead”, this was a much better film.

Jenny: I liked this movie. If you are looking for a zombie flick that has a formidable lead zombie, lame college kids, ridiculous death scenes, and an even more ridiculous ending, then Zombie Nosh is where it’s at. I won’t say it is frightening, but it is quite hilarious.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YwVYW1lRhE]

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