Did I ever mention that my dad owned a dozen video stores when I was growing up? Well if I did I lied, he only had 9. So having spent most of my childhood in those stores I have all of these images of movie boxes in my head. One of those boxes is for the 1985 teen comedy Mischief. It just seemed like a very funny, light-hearted coming of age story… oh who am I kidding, I just figured I’d get to see some boobs!! Well I never got a chance to see that movie until I found it on cable one night.

Greasilizer 2000“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… Ohio 1956!” Can you believe the movie starts out by making that statement? It’s true; I don’t even have the balls to make that up. Our main character is Jonathon, a high school nerd who is obsessed with the hottest chick in high school (Kelly Preston) but doesn’t have the nerve to talk to her. However, help is on the way in the form of Gene, your typical 50s greaser who rides a motorcycle and thinks he knows everything about women. He has just moved to Nelsonville from Chicago after he was kicked out of school there. He’s a “rebel without a cause” and he develops a thing for Bunny, played by Catherine Mary Stewart (Weekend at Bernie’s). Unfortunately Bunny is dating the richest kid in school Kenny, whose parents own the biggest department store in town. You know what they say, there is rich, and then there is department store rich!

You dented my rideLet’s cut to the chase shall we? After a little bit of work from Gene, Jonathon becomes a big stud. He finally gets the balls to ask Marilyn out on a date. They go out and hit it off. Gene and Bunny go out too; sparks fly; then fists fly! Gene and Kenny get in a few fights and a couple car smash-ups. In the end everyone is happy, but it doesn’t turn out how you think. Can you tell I got a little uninterested at this point? I won’t bore you with the story anymore, but there are some interesting things that happen:

16 minutes: Gene tells Jonathon to shrink his jeans… why he asks: “so your nuts bulge out”…” you gotta look hung”

19 minutes: Jonathon gets boner in class checking out Marilyn’s panties, comedy ensues as he is asked to stand up and speak in front of class.

41 minutes: Gene takes all the mannequins from Kenny’s department store and places them in some compromising positions.

58 minutes: Kelly Preston full frontal nudity (ok this isn’t a funny thing, but DAMN was she hot before Travolta got a hold of her).

1:01 minutes: The big day comes and Jonathon forgets the rubbers! DOH! But alas, chicks are easy and she agrees to let the monster in… “just for a minute though” – Famous last word!

1:31 minutes: Jonathon wrecks the shit out of Kenny’s car… a demolition derby ensues.

After it’s all said and done I would give this movie a “fair” at best. There were some good parts, including Kelly Preston NUDE! But it just didn’t hold my interest or thrill me. Worth noting are two fairly popular names who had small roles. Jami Gertz plays a nerd, but is miraculously transformed at the end to look do-able. Also, my favorite “Lost” character Locke (Terry O’Quinn) plays Gene’s dad… and the violin! So my score is one for the movie, and one for Kelly Preston bush.

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