She-Wolves of the Wasteland

She-Wolves of the Wasteland (aka Phoenix the Warrior) begins in the future, where a biological war breaks out that somehow kills every man on earth, and only a handful of women survive.  It’s the old post apocalyptic tale with a twist.  This time an evil woman known as the Reverend Mother (Sheila Howard) decides to repopulate the earth in a sick and corrupt way.  In what corrupt way, I’m not sure, I just know that this Rev. Mom has a big deformed head with surgical tubing coming out of it.  Anyhow, A woman escapes Rev. Mom and runs off into the desert, and has a gaggle of bounty hunters after her.  One lone warrior steps out of the wasteland to protect her, and that woman is PHOENIX!

Once Phoenix (Kathleen Kinmont) helps with the escape, she finds out this girl, Keela, is pregnant.  How can this be possible?  All the men are gone.  Who could possibly inseminate her?  The Rev Mom is so concerned about getting this woman back because she knocked her up from her secret seed bank.  Phoenix takes her to a secret hiding spot where topless women bathe in waterfalls and dance around with swords.  Sounds like my kind of place!  Soon after Keela (Peggy McIntaggart) –  who had no baby bump, and in fact had a flat stomach – is giving birth to her child, a baby boy!  The first male on a repopulated earth!  Shortly after the birth, Rev Mom’s forces lead by Cobalt (Persis Khambatta – she gets top billing for some reason) – an Indian woman who over enunciates everything she says – invades this paradise and kills all of these beautiful topless women.  And it only took 5 billion shots because they have awful aim.  What a waste 🙁

Phoenix and Keela escape again, this time with child, and we flash to a scene where the kid is now 5 years old and throwing ninja stars with pinpoint accuracy.  Phoenix and Keela have been raising him to be a warrior!  Too bad for them they have to make it through to Badlands for some unexplained reason, and on their way they meet up with a strange masked person.  Could it be another man?  Yeah, probably.

Sean: I really don’t know where to begin, there are so many things to talk about.  I guess I’ll start at the beginning.  The acting is… not good.  No, it’s not good at all.  It’s like a leaking dirty diaper.  In a movie with a bunch of scantily clad women, I would expect boobs constantly.  I was rewarded early, thankfully but I think that was just bait.  By showing the boobs early, they tried to lure you into thinking you’d see them all the time.  Well I just got suckered into the biggest trick in the book.  Also, with names like Phoenix, Rat Tail, Chainsaw, Neon and Ginsu… wow, this should be the best movie ever!

Raz: I would have to agree the acting in this movie was really bad.  Although we probably should not have expected anything better then what we got.  One thing that I found really annoying was that the story kept taking big leaps forward without letting you know.  At least I think that it did.  For example the one girl is pregnant and not showing at all.  Then in the next scene she is giving birth.  Ether she was really good at hiding her bump or we have a really big plot hole.  Then you get to this next thing…  Be warned the what I am about to say next is a big spoiler for this masterpiece...  All of the men in the world are supposed to be dead and Keela is going to give birth to the only male in the world.  Oh wait…  They find a man (known only as Guy) in some shack in the desert and they break his package by kneeing him in the crotch.  Too bad for him, the only adult male in the world and he has a broken johnson…

Sean: This should be The Road Warriors but with a 99% female cast, at least that’s what they’d lead you to believe watching the first 5 minutes.  There’s a lot of chase scenes in dune buggies that are recycled over and over and over again.  Basically anytime you see someone in a vehicle, it’s a scene you saw earlier, and probably in that first 5 minutes.  At one point Phoenix gets captured and thrown into an arena to fight gladiator style.  I’m all about catfights, but these are just bad.  One shot has Phoenix with a shield in her hand, the next she has a sword that appears out of nowhere and the next she has the shield again.

Raz: The greatest parts of this movie by far are the gun fights.  You have several almost naked chicks, almost popping out of their outfits taking pot shots at each other.  That’s not the best part though.  The fact that they are standing five feet away from each other and completely missing is hilarious.  Who the hell taught them how to shoot?  They need to take a few more lessons.  There is one scene where they completely have the drop on Phoenix and they end up getting a sword in the gut.  Yeah I think if you bring a sword to a gun fight you are going to lose.  Unless you are fighting “She-Wolves of the Wasteland”.

Sean: A lot of the early part of the movie is basically fight scene to shootout to fight scene to shootout.  You’d think based on that, that there would be a lot of action throughout.  Unfortunately, it’s a lot of early action and then a meandering story that really goes nowhere except to set up Phoenix getting captured and a final confrontation with the Rev. Mom.  At the end, I was wondering why this Reverend Mother was so bad, they never explain anything about that, just that she wants this kid back.

Raz: This movie is pretty bad.  I was hopeing to at least see a lot of breasts but that kinda fell short.  So I am going to give She-Wolves of the Wasteland 1 broken crotched adult males out of 5.

Sean: I’ll be honest, Raz is usually falling asleep when we watch these, and I end up hitting him or farting in his face to wake him up.  This time I kept checking the run time to see when it was going to end because I kept nodding out.  The only redeeming quality of this one are the early boob shots.  If you wanted my advice, watch the first half hour until all the naked chicks get killed, and then fast forward to the deformed looking people who worship the TV Guide (which I can admit I found pretty funny).  I give She-Wolves of the Wasteland 2 large breasted nipples out of 5.

2 thoughts on “She-Wolves of the Wasteland”

  1. Normally I love these types of movies because they make me laugh so much as the complete idiocy of them. Its the kind of cheese factor that I usually love. I must confess tho, that Raz rating this a “1 broken crotched adult males out of 5” seals its fate for me. Once I stopped laughing my ass off at the statement, I conceded that I will not go off in search of this one. Thanks guys. As always, you keep me “abreast” of those missed “classics.”

    petras last blog post..Who is John Hancock?

  2. I collect cult, sleaze, exploitation and campy b movies, especially ones with hot, tough, sexy chicks and “she-wolves of the waste-land” is one of my favorites! is it horrible? of course! thats why i love it! its certainly as low-budget as they come and the average person would NOT like it. you would have to be a fan of campy trash to enjoy this movie.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *