Silent Night, Deadly Night

silent-night-deadly-nightThere’s only a few weeks until Christmas, but we’ve all been seeing the decorations up and hearing the music since at least Halloween, if not before.  They say that the holiday season is the most depressing time of the year, but just imagine if you parents were killed right in front of you by a guy dressed in a Santa suit on Christmas Eve night.  It might mess you up a bit.

6 year old Billy’s Christmas Eve starts by visiting his grandfather in a psychiatric hospital.  While he’s left alone while his parents talk with one of the doctors, his grandfather comes out of his catatonic state temporarily to let Billy know that if he’s been naughty at all this year, Santa could either be coming to give him gifts, or to punish him.  Billy’s not sure which is gonna happen, but he’s crapping bricks on the ride home until his parents see Santa Claus in the middle of the road with his broken down car.  Unfortunately, this Santa Claus was robbing a liquor store and killing the clerk just a short while before.  The psychotic Santa shoots and kill’s Billy’s father and slashes his mother’s throat and leaves her to die in the middle of the road, and tries unsuccessfully to find Billy.

silent-night-deadly-night-2Flash forward a six years and Billy is living in an orphanage.  While he’s usually a good kid, for some weird reason, he always acts up around Christmas time.  You’d think maybe it has something to do with his parents being brutally murdered in front of his own eyes by Santa Claus on Christmas Eve… nah.  The head nun doesn’t seem to see why that should be an issue, so she forces him to sit on Santa’s lap, and decides to watch over him personally to try to straighten out.

Skip ahead another 6 years, and Billy (Robert Brian Wilson) is gets a job working in a toy store.  He’s doing a great job, and is really impressing the owner with his great work ethic and personable attitude, until Christmas comes around, that is.  Early on Christmas Eve, the store gets a call from the regular guy in the Santa suit who says that he can’t come in because he hurt himself.  “Hey, I have an idea… Let’s just get Billy to do it!).  After working all day, Billy sees something at the store’s Christmas party that reminds him of his parents’ murders, and it sets him off.  He goes around shouting “NAUGHTY” and killing anyone in his path while wearing his Santa outfit.  Will anyone be able to stop him before makes his way back to the orphanage to take care of the head nun forever?

Sean: What a perfect movie for this time of year, eh?  What could be more appropriate than Santa Claus killing naughty boys and girls, even if sometimes they weren’t being naughty.  I sure could understand the guy flipping out though, he has to put up with all those snot nosed kids and their parents who are more focused on getting bratty little Timmy his toys so his Christmas isn’t ruined.  I worked retail for 4 holiday seasons, and I think if I would have worked another one, I might have slaughtered some people too.

silent-night-deadly-night-5Raz: Yes, this is a perfect movie for the season.  You probably will want to wait till you little ones are in bed before you watch this one though,  If you don’t you might end up with your own little holiday psychopath.  The blood crazed Santa did not creep me out as much as the nuns did.  Especially Mother Superior.  I think that lady liked to punish people a little too much.  I never want to be naughty again cause the thought of that lady tanning my hide creeps me out.  There are probably a lot of guys that would pay good money to have Mother Superior beat their naughty ass, in a leather outfit.  Yeah, a pretty sick thought.

Sean: I don’t get what was up with the Mother Superior.  She knew this kid had witnessed the murder of his parents for one.  Two, it was on Christmas Eve.  Three, by SANTA CLAUS.  Jesus, what a dumbass.  So the kid acts up on Christmas for some “mysterious” reason, and she forces him to sit on Santa’s lap, and he obviously isn’t having that so she beat his ass so much he cowers in a corner.  With all this mismanagement in the orphanage, you almost want to donate some money or something so some orphaned worker doesn’t flip out and kill you for some crazy reason like his parents were killed by Frosty the Snowman or the Heat Miser.  One of my favorite parts of the film is when the cops are looking for the “Santa Claus Killer” and they roll up on the orphanage when they see a Santa walking up to the front doors.  The cop yells for the guy to stop, and gives him about 1/2 a second to comply before he puts a couple rounds into his back.  Turns out this Santa was one of the Priests… and he was deaf.  The cop doesn’t even apologize, he just gives the nuns a standard “Hey, Just doin my job…” line.  Great Job!

Raz: After Billy grew up he got a job at a toy store.  This was a top notch store, with warehouse looking shelves loaded with a bunch of unmarked brown boxes.  It really reminded me of the K. B. Toy Store outlet.  This store must have been the only one in the town because I never would have shopped at that shit hole.  I think if I would’ve happened to wander into that store I would become so depressed that I would want to kill myself.  In this case I would have been in luck, because I wouldn’t have to kill myself.  The psycho in the Santa outfit is that bringer of sweet relief.  Please oh please psycho Santa end my life so I do not have to spend one more second in this shit hole.  That’s why he really started killing people, because he worked at the most depressing place on earth.

silent-night-deadly-night-9Sean: I was really surprised all around by Silent Night, Deadly Night.  It was gory, humorous when it needed to be, and it was interesting enough to keep me entertained.  I didn’t have to check how much was left to go like I’ve had to do for some of these other difficult to watch movies.  While I’m sure none of the 4 sequels will live up to the original, I’m looking forward to seeing how those turn out.  As for Silent Night, Deadly Night, it’s getting 3.5 Ho ho ho’s out of 5.

Raz: This movie made me laugh.  It made me cry, and at the end it reveals the meaning of life.  Unfortunately, I immediately forgot what it was when the credits started rolling. This movie is great for some laughs, and overall I liked it.  I give Silent Night, Deadly Night, 3 psycho Santas out of 5.


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