Monthly Archive for January, 2009

Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks

Rating: 1.5

ilsa harem keeper Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil SheiksHow do you take a character that was obviously shot in the face and killed, and use that same character in a sequel?  Easy, just do it and don’t make any explanation available whatsoever!  That’s what Don Edmonds has done in his follow up to his 1975 film “Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS“, this time entitled “Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks“.  Last time Ilsa was in charge of a Nazi camp that was testing women to see if they had a higher pain threshold than men, and conducting gruesome experiments on her subjects.  Now, she is a slave trader, training women to pleasure El Sharif , making them members of his harem.  Then, she was in Nazi Germany, in a concentration camp of sorts, and an American G.I. is the one to tame her and her wicked ways.  Now, she’s in an undisclosed Middle Eastern location, and a German diplomat and an American serviceman are sent to try to tame El Sharif, and get his oil and Ilsa under control.  Pretty similar so far…

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Gymkata

Rating: 2.5

gymkata GymkataGymnastics and martial arts, sounds like the perfect mix.  You could be doing a back flip and kick some dude in the cherries, or maybe do some crazy cartwheel and become a windmill of kicks and punches.  Maybe you could even be a world champion gymnast with a mullet and become the best hope for the SIA (the Special Intelligence Agency, of course) to compete in a deadly game that could influence the fate of the world!  Maybe not, but it makes for an interesting if not comical film by acclaimed martial arts film director Robert Clouse, 1985’s GYMKATA!

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I Come in Peace (aka Dark Angel)

Rating: 3

i come in peace title I Come in Peace (aka Dark Angel)Jack Caine (Dolph Lundgren) loses his partner when their undercover sting  gets interrupted by an wanderer not from this Earth.  Shortly after people start dropping dead from overdosing on heroin.  One main factor linking these deaths together is a hole punched into each of the victims’ head.  Jack goes after Victor Manning  (Sherman Howard) to avenge his partner and to stop the circulation of heroin.  Although it is Victor’s heroin causing the recent outbreak of deaths,  Jack soon finds that it is a drug dealer from another world that is shooting these people so that he can harvest a valuable drug from their head.  With Victor’s Hench men on one side and a invincible alien on the other will Jack come out on top, or will he end up in pieces?

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Willy/Milly

Rating: 2

willymilly 2 Willy/MillyWhat teenager doesn’t with that they could be something they aren’t?  Maybe you wanted to be more popular, or maybe you wish you could get with more babes in your class, or be a jock or something.  I don’t think it’s quite as common for teenage chicks to wish they were dudes though.  The mid 80’s seemed like they had their fill of these types of movies, from 1985’s Just One of the Guys to the film I’m reviewing today, Paul Schneider’s 1986 film, Willy/Milly.

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Future Hunters

Rating: 3

future hunters Future Hunters

From all the movies I’ve seen that take place at least 20 years in the future, things are going to be pretty bleak for us, with the post-apocalyptic world and all.  We visit another one of these era’s in Cirio H. Santiago’s 1986 film Future Hunters, where everything is all Mad Max, and people chase each other around in cars looking to get a leg up on the competition.  In this case, Matthew (Richard Norton) is being chased and in order to save the world, he has to get his hands on the spear that pierced Jesus’ chest, the spear of destiny.  He manages to grab it seconds before he’s about to be blown up, and his contact with the spearhead transports him 39 years to the past – from 2025 all the way back to 1986, and in proximity to our main subjects, Michelle and Slade (Robert Patrick).  After Matthew is shot and on his way to death’s door, he fills in Michelle and Slade on what the spearhead is, and that they need to contact a “Hightower” in order to learn how to save the future… Wow… heavy, man.

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