Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks

ilsa-harem-keeperHow do you take a character that was obviously shot in the face and killed, and use that same character in a sequel?  Easy, just do it and don’t make any explanation available whatsoever!  That’s what Don Edmonds has done in his follow up to his 1975 film “Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS“, this time entitled “Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks“.  Last time Ilsa was in charge of a Nazi camp that was testing women to see if they had a higher pain threshold than men, and conducting gruesome experiments on her subjects.  Now, she is a slave trader, training women to pleasure El Sharif , making them members of his harem.  Then, she was in Nazi Germany, in a concentration camp of sorts, and an American G.I. is the one to tame her and her wicked ways.  Now, she’s in an undisclosed Middle Eastern location, and a German diplomat and an American serviceman are sent to try to tame El Sharif, and get his oil and Ilsa under control.  Pretty similar so far…

ilsa-harem-keeper-1Ilsa (again played by Dyanne Thorne) takes kidnapped women, and turns them out into sex slaves.  Those slaves are also sold in auctions held by El Sharif, when he’s not busy killing beggars, hording oil or boning broads.  Commander Adam (Max Thayer) with the pretty original name and Kaiser (Richard Kennedy) are sent to try to wrestle some of that oil away from El Sharif.  On the plane ride over to meet Sharif, Adam falls in love with Ilsa.  When he makes it there, during a feast, he makes his move and gets it on with Ilsa.  He infiltrates Sharif’s stronghold, and turns Ilsa onto the idea of overthrowing him, while turning El Sharif’s young nephew into the new ruler of whatever country this is supposed to be.

Sean: Make no mistake, if the above summary of the story sounds really bad, rest assured knowing that you’re probably not going to want to watch this for the story.  This is pure sexploitation, plain and simple.  There are enough boobs to be seen in this movie to satisfy any horny 16 year old boy.  Unfortunately for someone like myself, I just became desensitized by the whole thing.   I never thought I’d write these words, but I was starting to become pretty bored by the boobs and was hoping for a little more… I don’t know if that says more about how sad my life has become or how sad this film was.

Raz: I know what you mean.  When you said that there was probably going to be a lot of boobs in this movie, I thought that should keep me awake.  Unfortunately, I was majorly wrong.  This movie is really bad.  It reminded me of the Caligula movie.  I watched that move with the same thought, and on top of that my wife wanted to watch it.  We ended up passing out shortly into the movie.  It’s pretty bad when you watch soft core porn and fall asleep.  I have to say there are some hard core porn movies that probably have a better story then this one.

Sean: I really enjoyed the first film, there was a good balance between sex, action and plot.  I think with this one they wanted to focus on what would bring the most shock value, but it really wasn’t that shocking.  After a while, I got bored of the nudity and wished that the rest of it would have been a little more fulfilling.  Some parts tried to be funny, like the scene between Kaiser and his “servant”, but it just ended up coming off as corny and not really funny at all.  Almost embarassingly unfunny.  I think the best part was the last 10 minutes or so when the real action started.

ilsa-harem-keeper-2Raz: Yeah, I really hated this move.  Not only did I find this movie horribly boring, but I had no idea what was going on.  I can’t fully blame the movie, because I nodded off a handful of times.  From what I did catch it did not make much sense.  Perhaps I should watch it again, but I will not put myself through that torture.  Here is my run down of the movie.  Oil tycoon receives three mail order brides in the mail, each equipped with a chastity belt and nothing else.  Sounds nice at this point.  Ilsa has to teach them how to please their new master, so they practice rubbing and licking each other.  Woh, this is getting better.  Something about a spy, a scandal, and some guys from the U.S. coming out to visit.  Yeah, don’t know whats going on, and this is where I start fading away.  On a funny note the guys from the U.S. are flying out and it seem like several days pass.  WTF!  Longest plane trip ever, and yes they are in the plane the whole time.

Sean: I don’t think they’re mail order brides, they’re actually kidnapped.  You may have caught that if you could keep yourself awake to watch it long enough, since they talk about it in the first 10 minutes of the film.  Anyhow, there’s two more films in this series, and the next one is “Ilsa, the Tigress of Siberia” which I’m hoping can bring the series back from this uninspired mess.  For her part, Dyanne Thorne still looks pretty damned good in this role.  Her one sex scene is actually pretty decent, even if they don’t show enough of the front of her (it’s mostly a back shot).  When I mentioned above that the last 10 minutes was the best part, that’s the unfortunate truth.  You’d probably enjoy the movie a lot more if you fast forwarded to all the boob shots (which there are a lot) and then to the end action sequence.  That way, you’d get to see all the good parts and still get the same end result.  You might miss the explosives that are activated by semen though… so that would be bad.  In my book, Ilsa is worth about 1.5 boobs out of 5, and half boobs are never cute.

Raz: No doubt about it, this movie is bad.  There are boobs and a few lame fights, so I will give it that.  One fight in particular has a turn for the worse when the guy loses and gets his junk ripped off.  Ouch.  There is no way I could watch this movie again or recommend that anyone watch it.  With that being said I give Ilsa 1 lonely eunuch out of 5.

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