Hawaii is like paradise on earth. It’s got sun, sand, and beautiful people. It’s the type of place where you could shed all of your cares and worries and get away for a few days, or at least that’s the way it seems on the surface. Dig a little deeper and it can be a place of mystery, intrigue and dangerous wildlife. Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) learn this the hard way, when they’re flying a newlywed couple on an overnight camping trip in their small plane to one of the islands, and come across a R/C helicopter flying in from the ocean. The helicopter lands, one of the cockpit doors open, and they find two packages inside. The only problem is that the helicopter and the packages weren’t meant for them, they were meant for the armed thugs that show up shortly after the copter lands, and want their packages.
After a brief fight that includes nunchucks and ninja stars, Donna and Taryn get away with one of the packages, and they find later that it contains diamonds. The diamonds were meant for Seth, a local drug lord whos’ been stepping up his production in recent days, and who’s also responsible for the recent deaths of two officers when they came to question Seth and his increased activity. After the diamond discovery, Donna contacts the agency (who do… things of official business?) to let them know that something fishy is going on and to send Rowdy (Ronn Moss) and Jade (Harold Diamond) for backup. Together, they’ll have to fight Seth’s men, including Shades – the frisbee throwing body guard who wears intimidating mirrored aviator glasses, and eventually make their way into Seth’s compound to rescue their kidnapped friend.
And we can’t forget about the snake. Donna and Taryn were transporting a snake on their plane to the local wildlife reserve, but were given the wrong snake. The one they were given was “infected by deadly toxins from cancer infested rats”, so they have to deal with that too!
Hard Ticket to Hawaii was written and directed by Andy Sidaris, who actually was a successful director of sports programing, including the pioneering Wide World of Sports, so it’s really interesting to see him transition into this type of cheesy action/T & A movie territory. While the summary above makes this movie sound like an action fest, a lot of the time is spent showing off the female cast’s considerable assets in a lot of hot tub and bedroom scenes. You can expect a really well shot movie, with horrible acting, over the top action, and lots of boobs, and girls with guns.
There’s not much else that needs to be said. Hard Ticket to Hawaii is one of those movies where you can just sit back and put your brain on cruise control. The plot isn’t complex, the characters aren’t deep, and you won’t have to strain to try to follow any of it. The only “twist” in the movie is pretty easy to see, as long remember to watch the blonde bartender. She isn’t what she seems to be.
Grab a few buddies, a few brews and enjoy the cheese. Hard Ticket to Hawaii get’s 3.5 80’s babes out of 5.