Lady Avenger

lady-avenger

Hot off the heels of her breakout role as “Stripper” in Beverly Hills Cop, Peggy McIntaggart puts on a stunning performance as Maggie, or as she’s better known…. LADY AVENGER!  While in prison for something that might have had to do with drugs (it’s never really explained), her brother Jeff (Jeff Brown from Hack-O-Lantern) is murdered, and his girlfriend is raped and her eyes are cut out.  Even though Maggie isn’t the model prisoner, for some reason the warden let’s her out to attend the funeral – accompanied by a guard.  While she’s out, she’s going to have to get away from that guard so that she can extract her own form of justice on the people who put her brother in the ground!

lady-avenger-2As it turns out, getting away from the guard wasn’t as difficult as it sounds, since she’s the worst shot in the history of movie police.  She actually fires into a crowd at a funeral and doesn’t hit a single thing – it’s as if the bullet disintegrates as soon as it leaves the barrel, allowing Maggie to take off in the now empty hearse, with little to no opposition from the driver.  The first thing that she does when she gets away?  Hightails it to the hospital to question Jeff’s girlfriend, and to her parents house to get some items from her brother’s room and to change some clothes.  Then it’s off to her boyfriend’s house to make sweet unpassionate love to him, while enticing him to help her find her brother’s killers.  After digging deeper, Maggie starts to realize that her brother’s death might be a lot more involved then just finding a few punks in a junkyard.  In fact, it will shake her entire circle of family and friends to it’s very core!

Sounds exciting, right?  Well, it is, in the worst acted way ever.  The lines are delivered so wooden and so unemotionally that any impact they were supposed to portray were lost in hilarity.  If you watch Lady Avenger you get great lines like:

“There are two kinds of people in this world – the fuckers, and the fucked!”
“If I were your daughter, I’d kill myself!”
“I’m not wreckin my back! One night on a bad bed, and I have to go to the hospital! That’s how bad it gets!”
“My brother is dead! I saw them put him in the ground, and he’s not getting up!”

And that’s only in the first 20 minutes!

There are a couple chase scenes in this movie that are plain crazy.  The first one is after Maggie and her boyfriend confront a “gang” of 3 guys, and at the climax, there’s a huge explosion involving both of their cars.  Both cares end up in flames, and Maggie escapes from hers leaving her boyfriend in the car – she’s a fugitive after all, and can’t be seen by the police!  The big truck that the gang is in flips over and explodes, but you hear a voice over presumably from one of the gang members saying “HEY BLONDIE, IT’S NOT OVER YET, HARHARHAR, WE’LL BE BACK TO GET YOU BITCH!”  About 5 minutes later, you see those gangsters without a scratch on them.  Also, it seems like during each chase scene, there a at least 10 people that dart out in front of the cars.  Remember, look both ways before you cross the street, folks.

lady-avenger-12This is definitely a great movie to sit back and vegetate with.  There’s nothing really to think about since the plot is paper thin and the action is total eye candy.  Everything about this film is absurd, but it all works as a total fluff movie.  It doesn’t hurt that the two main women in Lady Avenger are easy on the eyes, and both get topless at some point.  Peggy McIntaggart, or (Peggy Sanders as she’s credited in this one) was Playboy’s Ms. January 1990 (she’s pre augmentation in this one), and the other female who shows up nude is Michelle Bauer (aka x-rated film star Pia Snow, and former Penthouse Pet), so you really can’t go wrong with either.

Lady Avenger takes it easy on your brain, and lets you just put it on autopilot so you can enjoy the characters and the onscreen tomfoolery.  It’s tries to take itself a little more serious, but in the end it squeaks out a little more fun than Hard Ticket to Hawaii.  This is one of those movies where I wish I could put the whole thing on the site, but I don’t want to get my pants sued off.  Regardless of that, you can expect a lot of fun out of this one, so in my book, Lady Avenger deserves 4 red bandannas out of 5.

Lady Avenger is available on VHS from Amazon.com

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bsm6Q4eH7bo]

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