Rapid Fire

rapid-fireYou would think that guns were a new invention in the 80’s, especially considering all the action movies where the plot revolved around some kind of “SUPERGUN!!!~!” Prime examples of this are Equalizer 2000, and to a lesser extent, Blastfighter.  These are the types of guns that people kill for, and in the right hands they’re strong enough to change the outcome of a war.  Well, you can add Rapid Fire to the list of movies revolving around a gun, and in this case, it’s a multi-purpose gun that fires 3 different kinds of rounds – shotgun, machine gun or grenades – depending on which barrel is active.  Oh, and one more thing, if you don’t know the secret code, you’ll be on the receiving end of an asswhippin’ yourself.

When this starts out, Eddy Williams is in possession of the gun.  He’s a mercenary that’s been hired to break a notorious terrorist, Mustapha Amed, out of the brig of a docked battleship.  He walks aboard with the gun in a case, and although he wears a uniform with absolutely no markings to indicate a rank other than a nautical star on the arm of the sleeve, the crew allows him to board and grants him permission to speak to the captain.  But instead of talking to the captain, he sneaks off and takes the gun out the case and kills a few sailors on his way to freeing Mustapha.  Once Mustapha is freed, they escape onto a waiting speed boat that’s docked alongside the battleship, all the while taking out other sailors with this gun while standing behind zero cover without getting a scratch on them.

rapid-fire-7When the CIA or some other government agency that allows their agents to wear white tennis shoes with their official suits gets wind of Eddy Williams and Mustapha’s escape, they track down the only man for the job… Mike Thompson (Ron Waldron) a former colleague of Williams, and the previous owner of the supergun that Williams was using to break Mustapha out,  Thompson has a score to settle.  He seeks out his old buddy Pappy, who looks like he was just fired from a ZZ Top cover band so that he could direct Thompson on where he can find Williams.  When Williams finds out that Mike Thompson is looking for him, he’s forced to confront his own personal demons, because he thought that Thompson had been dead for years.  Now they’re hot on each other’s trails and it’s time for them to settle an old score, and you better believe this gun will come into play.

Director David A. Prior‘s “Rapid Fire” must have been made on a budget of about $1,000.  To give you a picture of how cheap this film was made, the battleship that the movie starts on is an old decommisioned battleship that’s some kind of tourist attraction.  The amount of sets and the background details are sparse and the calibre of actor is pretty low too.  The best looking prop in the entire movie is the actual supergun.

rapid-fire-8The Mike Thompson lines are delivered so badly by Ron Waldron that I wasn’t sure if they were supposed to be serious, but I laughed at just about every one.  Eddy Williams (Michael Wayne) on the other hand looks and sounds like he’s been constipated for months and when he does actually get the sweet release of a bowel movement, he ends up crapping actual lincoln logs – and his lines are equally laughable.  The romantic interest in Rapid Fire is probably the worst of the bunch and ends up sounding like someone is feeding her lines through a headset.  The Pappy character is always surrounded by ladies and they’re supposed to be hot, but they look like they were put in the movie as a favor to friends of the cast.  One of my favorite scenes was at the end of the movie where Pappy (Douglas Harter) states that he’s going to give up this type of work so that he can become a wrestler, and there’s actual footage of him wrestling a bear that must have been taken at the end of a day of shooting while the crew went out to a bar.

While Rapid Fire isn’t the most intriguing or interesting film in this gun subgenre of action movies, it is pretty fun and you should definitely be able to watch it and have a few laughs.  Rapid Fire is easily worth 3.5 ice cream flavored hooker names out of 5.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymDaJvfL46o]

3 thoughts on “Rapid Fire”

  1. Hey! You know about Lincoln logs. Cool. I used to love those things as a kid. I thought you were too young to know about those things.

    Anyhoo, don’t you just hate it when people in movies that are totally exposed in the middle of gunfire or wildfire or zombies or whatever and come out unscathed while everyone around them is lying on the ground dead or dying? Absolutely makes me insane.

    I love your reviews, Enemy. I always get the best chuckles out of them.

    Petras last blog post..1989’s Caged Fury

  2. Thanks for the compliments, I try to add a little humor in them – and I hope most of the time I succeed. I always enjoy seeing comments from you, so thanks for that 🙂

    It seems like there are a lot of action movies where half the characters stand out in the middle of a battle with bullets whizzing past them at all times but they somehow manage to escape injury. That has to be one of the top action movie cliches of all time.

    Anyhow, I’m not that young, we’re probably pretty close to the same age. I guess you don’t see Lincoln Logs around too much anymore though huh? They’re like lego’s that you need more imagination for or something, and everything always ends up being a log cabin anyhow.

  3. I went to school with a kid named Lincoln and every time he called my friend Tim’s house his mom would call him Lincoln Log! (true story)

    Rapid Fire is definitely worth a watch if only to see Pappy! He makes the movie just by the fact that this old crusty ZZ Top looking cat has all the babes. Plus he has a shot-gun wielding ex-wife who wants to kill him so you know he’s some sort of bad ass!

    Monkeyfaces last blog post..Rapid Fire

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