Jack “Soldier” Kelly (Lorenzo Lamas) was a member of an elite marine special forces unit known as the “Snake Eaters”. He was highly decorated soldier, but he was ultimately dismissed from his position because he had trouble following orders. So, what does an ex-marine do when he can’t follow orders? He becomes a cop of course!
Too bad this cop can’t play by the rules, and soon enough he gets released from his duties for roughing up his suspects. When he goes back home to drink off the bad news, he gets even worse news – his parents and sister were all killed in a boating accident – or so everyone thought. While his parents were killed, his sister was kidnapped by some local backwater hicks that want to use her to help stir up their stagnant gene pool. Now with the help of an old biker (Ronnie Hawkins) and the biker’s daughter, he’s converting his own motorcycle into some kind of aquabike, and he’s on the warpath to save his sister before she’s brutalized any further. He’ll have to use all his training and brains to maks sure that she makes it out in one piece. He can only hope that he’s not too late.
Snake Eater is one of those movies where you can smell the cheese as soon as the credits roll. I was expecting a little bit more of a serious tone, but as soon as Soldier sings the first line of “Kumbaya” during a drug bust, I could tell where it this movie was heading. Shortly thereafter, soldier sets off a trap that springs nails through the floorboard and into some drug lord’s feet in order to capture him and keep him in one place long enough for his partners to rush in and put them under arrest. While that was actually pretty cool, nothing that came afterward was going to measure up to it.
The whole “Soldier” character is maximum cheese. While Lorenzo Lamas is muscular, he’s still pretty thin. I didn’t find it too believable that he can take out these huge guys with little problem, even when he’s had his leg caught in a bear trap, or after bailing headfirst over his chopper’s handlebars and onto a table of a nearby outdoor bar. Maybe that’s part of his charm though… He doesn’t look like much of a threat, but he’s really a pure ass kicking machine with a sense of humor.
Overall, I think I was expecting more over the top ridiculous action. There were long stretches where the film tried to build tension with the stereotypical inbred family holding Soldier’s sister hostage – even though there didn’t feel like there was much connection between Soldier and his sister. The problem with that might have been from the fact that his sister and his love interest bore a pretty striking resemblance to each other. What I ended up with was a low budget action movie that tried too hard for laughs – but the worst offense was that the action was boring. If you’re setting out to make an action movie, make sure the action that you do have can capture an audiences’ attention. Snake Eater has a few redeeming qualities for it’s out and out cheesiness, but ultimately it was a let down so I give it 2 biker bar brawls out of 5.
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