The Room

The Room

Everyone has heard the saying, “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.”  Well sometimes you can say “you don’t know what you’ve got until you see an article about it on ABC News!”  Such was the case a few months ago when the guys here at IB came across The Room.  We watched, knowing it was a BAD movie.  But I don’t think we were quite prepared at the time to appreciate just how bad it is.  So after seeing that in a few short months this movie (which is 6 years old) has developed a cult following and is now being called “the Citizen Kane of bad movies”, we just had to sit down and watch it again.  We now bring to you the brilliant misery that is Tommy Wiseau‘s lifelong dream, his baby, his masterpiece… we bring you The Room!

Johnny has everything going for him; a great job with a promotion coming soon, a hot girlfriend named Lisa who is his future wife, a best friend named Mark who he can always count on, and a weird perverted neighbor boy who he helps out by paying for his rent and tuition towards a college degree.  But as it always happens in real life, things can come crashing down in an instant and you’re forced to make some drastic decisions! Denny is the boy next door who Johnny is helping out.  He has his own key to the place and loves to watch Johnny and Lisa go at it. WEIRD! But unfortunately Johnny isn’t having it this time and he boots Denny to the curb.  Queue gratuitous sex scene and cheesy R&B music!

The Room (3)The next day after finding out that he didn’t get the big promotion at work Johnny comes home distraught; pissed off because he saves the bank so much money and they are only using him.  Luckily Lisa is waiting at home with a bottle of liquor to make all his troubles disappear.  But Johnny doesn’t drink and so he’s reluctant for about 30 seconds before he gives in and the two get trashed. Queue gratuitous sex scene and cheesy R&B music! The next day we learn a little more about Lisa, and that is the fact she is also a huge liar.  She tells her mom, who is adamant that she should marry Johnny, that he got drunk last night and hit her… and that she doesn’t love Johnny anymore.  How can this be!

Things go from bad to worse when Johnny’s best friend Mark gets a call from Lisa, and she’s in the mood for love.  Marks comes over and insists he’s not interested, he’s Johnny’s best friend!  After about 3 seconds of coaxing him, they’re both rolling around on the staircase.  Queue gratuitous sex scene and cheesy R&B music! Now we have ourselves a bonified love triangle, and you know it’s not going to end well. The rest of the movie you have to see to believe!

Monkeyface: I’m not sure if I should feel sorry for Johnny or be happy that he actually got 7 good years out of this cheating tramp! I mean other than the fact he’s set financially he’s pretty much mentally challenged!  It always seems like he is constantly high, you can’t understand what he’s saying, and besides this 1 night, he doesn’t drink… and I don’t respect anyone who doesn’t drink! His friend Mark is an asshole and I wonder if he has been waiting for 7 years to pounce on this chick because it took him no time before he was hittin’ it in a spiral staircase of all place!  I guess it was nice of him not to screw on Johnny’s bed, but come on dude, it’s your best friend’s fiance.

Sean: While I’ve never personally tried it, I’d have to think that it can’t be comfortable doin’ it on a spiral staircase, regardless of what this movie wants me to believe.  I also can’t believe that Johnny doesn’t drink, and at the very least he’s got to be emotionally unstable.  Case in point being a scene where Johnny goes to the roof of his apartment/condo/extravagantly furnished storage facility and he’s going on about how he didn’t hit Lisa (he did not!), and then immediately changes his demeanor when he sees his best friend Mark up there too, and greets him with a pleasant “Oh, hi Mark”  – as if none of it ever happened.

The Room (7)Monkeyface: This movie is 1 big train wreck. The story is different, but completely unbelievable. Lisa is borderline schizophrenic and Denny is 1 arrest away from having his name on the sex offenders list. There is 1 scene in the movie where we find out Denny has gotten in trouble with the evil drug dealer – Chris R.  That’s right, I said CHRIS R. is the name of a drug dealer.  Instills fear in me for sure!

Sean: Denny… Something makes me think that there’s some shady business going on between Denny, Johnny and Lisa that’s never revealed.  Why else would they let this obviously adult male creep around and allow him to jump into their bed for an impromptu tickle/pillow fight?  Maybe he’s a person who has the physical and chronological appearance of a 20 year old, but with the mental capacity of a child?  They say he’s in college and I guess because Johnny’s paying for his tuition, you have to believe that, but I wonder how he can figure out how to get home, let alone attend college level courses.  Then, after all Johnny’s done for him, he tells Johnny that he thinks he’s in love with Lisa.  Worst of all Johnny totally misreads this and tells Denny that Lisa loves him too – as a friend, and it’s ok if Denny still loves her in a sexual way… WTF?  Tommy Wiseau wrote this, but if he doesn’t understand what in the hell is going on then what does that say for us?!

Monkeyface: What makes this a must see is the acting, or lack of it. Outside of Lisa’s friend who was pretty decent and Lisa’s 1 big cry-fest, the acting is laughable!  But some of the lines they deliver are so geniously bad that you wonder if they stole their punchlines from a Dane Cook 10-minute story-joke! Supposedly this movie cost Tommy $6-million and I can’t understand how… unless he had to pay Juliette Danielle (Lisa) $5.5-million to show her boobs.  And in that case he got ripped off! I don’t really think any review here or anywhere else can really capture this movie, you just have to see it, and see it with some friends.  If you are living in New York, L.A., Chicago or any other big city you might even find it playing at some small theater.  Do yourself a favor and go! I give The Room 4 “YOU’RE TEARING ME APART LISA’S” out of 5.

The Room (6)Sean: I’m convinced that the underlying plot of this movie was just a huge experiment.  The reason the sky looks fake when they were out on the roof was because the entire building was encapsulated in a dome that slowly cut off the oxygen to the brains of everyone who lived inside – making them all retarded.  I really don’t think there’s any other explanation.  Even with all the bad dialog and plot holes, this film is instantly quotable.  After you see it, you’ll have plenty of material to constantly throw back and forth with your friends.  The genius of the movie is that while it’s currently being marketed as a “black comedy”, it’s obvious that writer/director Tommy Wiseau had every intention of making as serious a movie as he could.  The problem is that when you make a serious movie and then try to market it as a comedy, you never capture what made your movie special in the first place.  If you want proof of this, check out youtube for one of his newer projects called “The Neighbors”.  It makes The Room look like Citizen Kane, but that’s what’s so great about The Room- it is Tommy Wiseau’s Citizen Kane.   I also agree that this has to be seen to be believed, and that’s why I’m giving The Room 4.5 TVs thrown through the window out of 5.

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