I thought I was lucky to be able to say that I was the viewer of a great 80’s supernatural slasher movies that took place in a health club after watching Witch Bitch (aka Death Spa). Well everyone… I can now say that I am the proud viewer of TWO great 80’s slasher films that take place in a health club. If you’ve read this site for a while, you know how I love my 80’s slasher flicks, and this is no exception.
Aerobi-cide starts out following a beautiful young woman who just got a job modeling in Europe. When she goes for what she thinks is a routine tan, the tanning bed unexpectedly malfunctions and fries her to a crisp. Hmmm… Maybe that will be significant later, but for now, let’s just forget about that. Flash forward a few years, and we find ourselves at Rhonda’s Workout, the trendy health club where all the beautiful people go to workout and be seen. After watching some leotard clad hardbodies jump around to some 80’s-tastic high energy pop tunes, with their breasts bouncing like beachballs, it’s finally time to close up shop for the night. While everyone should be gone for the night, one of the beautiful young patrons is still showering up. Unfortunately for her, her jugular meets the business end of a giant safety pin, and so the killing commences.
After the body is found, Detective Lieutenant Morgan (he’s not just a Detective… he’s a Detective Lieutenant, damnit) is on the case. Coincidentally, it’s also Chuck Dawson’s (Deadly Prey‘s own Ted Prior) first day on the job as the general custodian or whatever he’s supposed to be – regardless he’s been hired by the one of the co-owners, and Rhonda (from Rhonda’s Workout fame) doesn’t like him around. Det. Lt. Morgan has a few suspects, and one of whom is Jimmy Hallik (Fritz Matthews – also from Deadly Prey), who seems to be the resident psychopath. After Jimmy’s back alley confrontation with Chuck while he’s taking out the trash seems to solidify Jimmy’s role as a suspect, but Morgan can’t seem to pin him down to the crimes. While Morgan tries to gather enough evidence, more of the gym’s patrons are dying off every minute, and things don’t look to be clearing up anytime soon.
So now that we’ve got that little thing called a plot out of the way (the filmmakers didn’t seem to care about it too much), let’s ask a few questions. Why is he a Det. Lt.? There are no other police involved at all besides bending at the knees to pick up the white body bags that keep piling up, so why couldn’t this guy just be a Detective, or just a Lieutenant? Whatever… his title and his balding mullet just add to the cheese that’s already been spread thick on this movie. The guy looks like Solomon Grundy for christ’s sake! How awesome is that?!? At one point in the movie, there are about 6 or 7 people that die in the gym in the span of about an hour, while all the classes are going on, and not one single person from the gym – either the employees, the customers or the police – seem to concerned about shutting the place down to maybe… just maybe figure out who’s killing all these people and cutting the club’s memberships to half in one single day.
This film has about 11-12 deaths in the span of less than a week, and no one in the community seem disturbed one bit. While you’d expect some gym equipment to be used as the murder weapons… like say a dumbbell or a machine malfunctioning, but you’d never expect that the weapon of choice would be a safety pin! Maybe you’d expect a traditional 80’s murder weapon, like a machete, an axe or even a sickle or something, but a safety pin?! By the way, this isn’t a regular safety pin, this thing is like 8 inches long, so it’s plunging through people’s skulls into their brains. I struggle to get safety pins through my shorts at the gym, I couldn’t imagine the necessary force to put it through the front of somebody’s skull. Wow.
Aerobi-cide (aka Killer Workout) is pure 80’s trash at it’s finest. The film has a run time of about 80 minutes, and at least 20 minutes are scenes of the actual aerobics classes where these hot ladies of yesteryear dance, gyrate and thrust their hips as much as possible. While you also get a decent amount of T&A to satisfy any 14 year old boy, you also get to see these chicks in their skintight outfits bouncing around sweating to some awesome new wave knockoffs. It features overacting at it’s finest, and Ted Prior is just as entertaining as always. Between Witch Bitch and this film, Aerobi-cide is the better of the two movies, and proves that there’s always room for more health club horror. Oh, and watch out for the surprise twist that you can probably figure out after 15 minutes! Aerobi-cide is the perfect time capsule of 80’s b-movie cheese, and that’s why it gets 4.5 bad wigs out of 5. (You’ll know exactly which wig I’m talking about when you get there)