Chopper Chicks in Zombietown

Sometimes when you are looking for a movie to watch little things outside of the synopsis will catch your eye and lure you into the idea that this could be a good movie.  Chopper Chicks in Zombie town just happens to be one of those movies for me.  Let’s dissect the title: “Chopper” – I love American Chopper the series; I watch it every week and I have a new found love for bikes even though you probably will never catch me on one.  “Chicks” – I’m a guy right, what’s not to like about chicks, especially those on a chopper!  “Zombietown” – This sounds like a pretty crazy place, with zombies all over.  I think you’d spend most of the time watching your ass for brain hungry zombies, but at least it’s not Cleveland!  The title has all the making of a fun, scary, rip-roaringly good time right… plus it has Billy Bob Thornton in one of his first roles, and Martha Quinn in one of her last!

A group of eight biker chicks, the “Cycle Sluts”, have stopped at the town of Zariah for a little R-N-R, or as one slut says: “let’s go get some meat!”  But not everyone is excited to be stopping here.  Dede has a secret that she hasn’t shared with the girls, she is actually from Zariah and she is none too excited to go back.  The town is pretty scarce and people seem to be dying off a lot lately, and in strange and unusual ways.  To make matters worse some blind orphans have just let out a pack of zombies from the underground mine and they’re headed towards town.  It sounds like a blood bath is coming right?  Well not really.  All the zombies are the dead relatives of the town folk, so the people don’t have it in their heart to kill the zombies because they are either related or know them.  So they just run away and the zombies are too slow to follow.  It seems the town coroner has been taking the bodies of the dead, putting batteries in their heads, and forcing them to work in the mine.  In fact he’s been the one killing off the town’s people since he needed more workers.  I don’t want to get into anymore of the plot because it’s pretty pathetic.  But let’s just say the people of Zariah want the sluts gone, Dede runs into her husband (BBT) and the sluts are the only ones who can save this piss poor town from the not so scary zombies!

Immediately we were off to a poor start; The movie is produced by Troma!  Now while some of my favorite movies are made/produced/distributed by Troma, I find that about 90% of their films are crap.  They seem to take movies which might be good, and add their own little twist.  This could be why IMDb has this movie listed as Chrome Hearts, it’s original title.  Chopper Chicks in Zombietown has a little more flavor to it, but it doesn’t add anything to the movie itself.

And why do I say the zombies are not so scary?  Well because anytime they show up they add this terrible circus style theme music to the scene.  It’s just plain annoying, and I’m not sure what the point was.  Maybe you were supposed to cheer for the zombies, or maybe you are supposed to see them as this group of fun-loving brain dead buffoons.  Either way, it made me dislike the zombie part of the plot to the point where I wish they would have changed things up and made it Chopper Chicks in Clownzville!  Clowns would have been way more scary than anything in this film.  It did get a little better at the end, but I don’t know if that was the movie getting better, or the fact that it was almost done so I didn’t have to watch it anymore.  Either way, don’t seek this movie out; don’t tell your friends about it; if you happen to see it on TV question why you haven’t deleted that channel from your lineup because the morons running it must be running on batteries like the zombies in this movie.  I give Chopper Chicks in Zombietown 1 cute Cycle Slut out of 5… because that’s all there was, 1 cute chick and 7 gross sluts!

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