Ninjas VS Zombies

Did you ever notice how zombies are like the bullies in the undead family?  They are always terrorizing unarmed civilians or outnumber their foes 100 or even 1000 to 1.  Unlike vampires, who battle it out with werewolves or take on hordes of people at a time, or demons and ghosts who haunt entire cities, the zombie picks on the frail, weak, and lame.  So when I saw a movie called, Ninjas vs Zombies, I thought, damn finally they are picking on someone who can fight back, for me it was a must see to see how these bullies handle real resistance.

When young Randall, whose brother Eric recently died, decided to use his trusty old family spell book to raise him back from the dead, all hell breaks loose.  He holds a seance in the basement of his comic book store to bring him back to life, forgetting that in his spell book there is also a spell called, “revive”.  Now the difference between the seance and “revive” you might ask?  Using a seance brings back the deceased as a soul sucking zombie creating psychopath, while “revive” has no nasty side effects.  In his defense, you actually have to touch the person to “revive” them, and digging up a corpse is a lot of work.

In fact, Eric comes back in full force, first starting at a teenagers party creating a bunch of zombies for his army.  These zombies are not like normal zombies.  They do not possess super strength, don’t seem to be hungry for brains and apparently have attention deficit disorder.  This is apparent when Eric commands them to kill a family, but they are too distracted by the new high definition TV on the wall.  These zombies also cannot kill virgins, well unless said virgin has had oral sex.  Go figure.  At any rate, the town starts to get run over and Randall decides he needs to stop his brother and his minions.  It only took him half the movie to figure out that he did something wrong, maybe he needs to cast the spell “intellect” upon himself a few times.

So what does he do?  He asks the spell book.  The spell book manifests itself in the form of a little girl, much like the Red Queen in the Hive under Raccoon City, except this little girl makes you want to punch babies.  At first she is reluctant to help, and then seemingly out of nowhere decides that only ninjas can kill the zombies.  At this moment, I thought damn, too bad she didn’t say Predators or even Aliens because either of those would have also given the zombies a good fight.  The problem was that there were no ninjas around.  Lucky for Randall he used a spell earlier “create” to whip up some fake IDs for his friends and hands them over to the girl who bestows the power of the ninja into them.

Meanwhile, Randall’s friends wake up with their new ninja powers and start kicking random peoples asses in town.  They finally get together and Randall explains the situation and they all get to choose a weapon.  And choose they do, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle style, a Bo, Sais, Katana, and Nunchaku.  Turtle Power!  Some fearsome zombie killing action then occurs as the zombies are just hanging out in the backyard.  Even Randall helps out with a “fire” spell here and there.  In the end, the legion was defeated and they decide to go after the source, Eric.

But before the final confrontation, they get to upgrade themselves.  Fitz makes some armor out of dishes, pans, baking sheets, and other household items (with duct tape), but like a dumbass he forgets to protect his neck….duh.  Cole and Kyle get Randall to help them, he casts some spell like “upgrade” or something, and they become what they were thinking.  Cole turns into a ninja, complete with garb and katanas, while Kyle gets some new shades and about a dozen or so machine guns.  Sucks to be Cole.  Now that they are ready, Randall casts “elsewhere” to take them to Eric.

The final battle ensues, but not before Eric calls time out in the middle of the fight to recoup his strength.  He also somehow turns one of their friends into a vampire.  Why he didn’t make vampires instead of useless zombies from the beginning I have no idea, but as usual with horror flicks, good prevails, the only problem is that one of them is still a vampire.  But that is another story, Ninjas vs Vampires.    Ninjas vs Zombies gets two unimaginative spell names out of five!


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