Am I, the infamous Monkeyface, the only one who feels bad for a lot of these “bad guys” in horror movies? I mean come on they are usually horribly disfigured, have been bullied by society and mistreated by their parents, sometimes even tortured…so of course they are going to be pissed and want to kill people. They’ve usually had pretty terrible lives, and their homes are in some really rundown areas of the country. I think in their shoes I’d probably be scary to the average college student just looking to have some fun for the weekend. But why do we always have to judge a book by its cover. In the face of fear we should pick the weakest link, send him to chat up the evil creature, and if they get a hatchet to the face then we run. But maybe, just maybe, these guys ain’t so bad!
One day you’re sitting in a tree smoking a cigarette, thinking about how you’re gonna jump the broken down old bridge at Elkin’s Grove. The next day you’re fighting off some huge unrelenting pink pile of ooze that just spread into town. “How did you get here” you might ask yourself. If you’re Brian Flagg (Kevin Dillon), you’d probably be asking yourself the exact same thing. Life was so easy just being a juvenile delinquent. Now you’re just trying to survive The Blob. Continue reading “The Blob (1988)”
Fall is fast approaching. The weather is getting cooler and it’s getting the perfect time to go out to the woods and snuggle up next to your honey near a fire. When your friends invite you and your lady friend out to an isolated cabin in the wilderness for some good times and libations, it sounds like a good idea. When they tell you they got it for cheap you assume that it has to be a pit, and when you get there it is. Everything seems to be in order, but when the cellar door starts flapping in the house like there’s someone down there, you should just leave it alone. If you do happen to go down there and find a book that looks like it’s got a cover made of skin, a tape recorder and some kind of ceremonial dagger – for the love of all that is holy, don’t bring them upstairs and play the recording. You might just unleash The Evil Dead…
When I saw Machete in the theater back in August they played a metric ass ton of trailers, they always do! After the trailers they played their little theater introduction and then low and behold, another trailer. This one was a little different though, it had that Grindhouse feel to it just like Machete a few years back. It showed a monster of a man, the so-called new icon in horror Victor Crowley, absolutely destroying a bunch of people who had no idea that death stood right around the corner. I looked at my friend and said “it’s a shame that’s just a fake trailer, Hatchet 2 looks like it would be great!” But why did they skip right to number 2, where was the original. A few weeks later I saw a listing for Hatchet 2 at that same theater, it was real… even though it only lasted a week on the big screen! So I had to seek out Hatchet and find out what all the hype was about.