Deathsport

The future is a pretty dreary place.  Wars, famine, plagues, etc.  Kinda makes you not want to see it.  Thankfully, today’s story takes place 1,000 years after tomorrow, so unless there’s some kind of cure for everything released pretty soon or cryogenics steps up its’ game, we won’t have much to worry about.  See, in this future a neutron war takes place.  No, neutrons don’t fight each other, I’m guessing it’s some kind of war that has to do with neutron bombs.  After the war, the world consists of vast deserts and large city-states.  If you’re not in a city state, then you don’t use machinery (except weird floodlight/gun things) and you’re probably a mutant.  Unless, of course, you’re a guide – which is an ancient warrior that lives only by it’s own code.  If you are a guide, though, you’re hunted down to participate in the only punishment that’s still allowed in this distant future.  That punishment is Deathsport!

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Puppet Master 3 – Toulon’s Revenge

Puppet Master 3 – Toulon’s Revenge is actually a prequel to the first 2 movies both set in America.  Although the dates are skewed a bit (1 takes place in 1939), this one takes place in Berlin in 1941.  A Lieutenant in Hitler’s army attends Andre Toulon’s puppet show and isn’t too happy with the material, namely the fact that a Hitler puppet is the butt of all the jokes.  Lt. Stein confronts Toulon (Guy Rolfe) and tries to get information about how he is able to make his puppets move without strings.  He takes some pictures of the puppets without Toulon knowing and reports it back to his superior, Major Krauss (Richard Lynch).  Krauss and Dr. Hess (Ian Abercrombie) have been working on a way to reanimate dead German soldiers for help against the Russian army.  Unfortunately things haven’t been going too well and they believe Toulon’s work may hold the key.

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The Barbarians

In the days of my youth, my sister and I would rent videos every weekend.  Some of our favorites were action/adventure movies, and particularly those that existed in the realm of fantasy – like Red Sonja, Conan the Barbarian or Beastmaster.  We always scoped out which ones looked the worst, and thanks to just about everything being released on VHS those days, there were a lot of movies to go around.  One movie I never got to see was 1987’s The Barbarians, starring the ridiculously well built Paul Brothers (David Paul and Peter Paul), aka The Barbarian Brothers, where they play the titular (I always wanted to use that word… Titular…) Barbarians.

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